Why “No Problem” Can Seem Rude: Phatic Expressions

What people said

gsk22 · 2021-05 · Strong recommendation

You're misunderstanding what the phrase "how are you" means in the US. It is not a literal question, but a set phrase with implicit social rules for "correct" responses. This doesn't mean the person asking is faking kindness - but also understand they're not actually asking for a rundown of how your life is going. Negative responses to the question are ok, just not deeply personal answers. Tom Scott has an excellent video that addresses this very issue. [VIDEO]

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ojkelly · 2023-01 · Recommendation

How did you sleep is a great question to understand how someone is, it’s one of the first things I ask myself when I wake up. I then get a more quantitive answer from my Oura ring. That then helps me plan what is achievable that day. BUT, “how are you?” is almost always a Phatic Expression[0], especially in cases where it could be considered a generic greeting. Phatic Expressions seem to be more important to some cultures than others. For example, in Australia it’s such a fundamental greeting it often trips people up[2]. In this case the question is not a genuine or sincere inquiry into you current state, but rather a request to acknowledge the presence of each other. In that sense, “how did you sleep” would be such a curve ball unless among friends I think it would cause secondhand embarrassment. Tom Scott did a great 3 min video[1] on this exact thing. [0] [LINK] [1] [VIDEO] [2] [LINK]

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justusthane · 2021-05 · Recommendation

> “good, but I have a billing issue" I think this gets exactly to it, but I don’t agree with the rest of your comment. In both the provided examples, the fact that there's a request for actionable information is already implicitly understood based on the situation. When a doctor comes into your room, you already know they're checking on your condition. The "How are you?" is just general greeting (to which, in casual situations, the proper response is "Fine, and you?"). And this is the crux of the misunderstanding. The Russian takes it as a request for information when it isn't. *Edit*: A YouTube video pulled from another comment in this thread that explains what I was trying to say much better: [VIDEO]

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